The Fear We Don’t Face Become Our Limit, SO EMBRACE CHANGE
Growing up as a fat kid is almost never easy. There is always teasing or bullying, and while most people don’t do it intentionally, they never really seem to realize that what they call ‘humor or just joking around’ is actually torture to those who go through it. I grew up as a fat kid and I am still on my heavy side.
As a kid, I never really knew that being fat was a bad thing (as they said) until I was told so, but it didn’t matter to me at all. I was really good in my studies, not exaggerating. I was active in sports, I loved being the class captain and I believed that I was everybody’s best friend. I was such a happy, chubby kid and then life happened.
When I stepped into my teenage, I was constantly mocked for my weight but what truly affected me were the comments passed on about my weight not just by my friends but even by my teachers. I didn’t expect things as such to come from my teachers or any teacher at all. But it did and it shattered me. It changed me. That incident took my childhood away. I started to feel insecure and it affected my life in every way possible. My studies were messed up and I completely cut myself off the sports. I quit being the class captain and participating in competitions. I tried to alienate myself from everything and everyone. I didn’t want anyone to notice me at all. The child, who asked her parents to constantly take pictures of her, suddenly stopped liking being captured in a picture. The child, who loved dancing, opted for music classes instead of her favorite hobby- dancing. Nobody ever seemed to notice and although my parents never really complained about my weight or forced me to lose weight, they didn’t realize how everything around me was, in a word, destroying me. I lived as a timid teenage girl. Everyone believed that I was a rude, ill-tempered girl. But all I was trying to do was save me from the rejection that I thought I would eventually face.
After school, I got admitted to one of the best colleges in the city. I was a bit happy, you could say, but once college started, I again came to become my timid self. I always felt that I was the only one who was talent-less, not beautiful and obviously not wanted in the group with whom I used to roam around, have my lunch and everything. I somewhat felt inferior to them.
Some months after that, I started liking a guy and truly, he was the first one that I ever liked. I knew he liked me back but I was always so insecure. He even asked me out but I rejected his proposal, just because I was pretty sure that no one other than my parents could love me. I don’t know what love does to anyone but I loved him or I thought that I did. So, at the end of the day, I confessed my feelings for him and for the first time in many years which to me was a lifetime, I believed that I was good enough to be loved. I was filled with joy and that was when I realized I hadn’t been so happy in a long, long time. Because nothing lasts forever, all of this too was there just for a short period of time. Everything changed and I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if it was my fault or his. All I really know is that it broke me then. It took me more than a year to get over what happened.
That period was truly a turning point in my life. After all of that, I felt a change in myself. I started investing time in myself. I really made an effort to know the people around me. I pushed myself to believe that I was a part of the group. I started reading novels. I started going out with my friends. I started thinking positively. I started dancing again. I was transforming. I understood how one thing can make such a huge difference and most of all; I came back to my true self. Whatever the change may be, it is almost never pleasant but it does expand your horizon. And in my case, I am thankful for all the changes that I have come across- both big and small. Because of all of that, I don’t take compliments get to my mind and criticism to my heart. I don’t really care much about people’s opinions about me because it is not reasonable for people to judge the way I live my life. I have developed a sense of self-respect and self-worth like never before. I have become a confident, positive and visionary woman like every woman is allowed to be and should be. The changes that I came across brought out both the bad and the good in me. These changes are there to stay with me for always and forever. It is said that ‘Without change, there is no adventure in life’ and it is true. No change means no moving forward. Whether the change reshaped your life or not is not what matters.
All that I have come to know and can assure is that change is inevitable and that change is important. Never be afraid of any kind of change, accept change because it helps you grow. Change reveals your strength.
Question and Answer with Ayushma
1. Tell us more about yourself.
Hello! My name is Ayushma and I am twenty years old. Currently, I am pursuing my bachelor’s degree in B.Sc. CSIT. I would sum up myself as an enthusiast with a lot of diverse interests.
2. What was your thought when you apply to Wordism competition?
After a friend of mine suggested we participate in the Wordism Competition, I realized I had not written since my school days. I was very fond of literature as a school girl and I thought this was my chance to revive my writing. Thanks to Mamina and Team Youth Legend. 🙂
3. What are your dreams and aspiration?
I aspire to build a portfolio career and lifestyle for myself. I hope to create a positive aura in and around me through my work.
4. How do you feel being the Wordism Runner Up for Chaitra?
I was very disturbed with something and it was the one good thing that had happened to me after so many days; just at the right time. I will forever remember this as a happy moment.
5. Anything you want to say for who is reading this!
For whoever is reading this, we might be in very different states of mind but remember to always stay positive and be optimistic. What the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.
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