V-day for dummies
Too lazy for v-day but you still want a girlfriend/boyfriend? we might have the exact template for you to try on. While it could be fun and might land you a date this year (though the probability of it is less than being hit by an asteroid or falling in inter-space alien love) we’d ask you to be respectful and calm about the response you get delivering this letter.
Dear the one,
I know it’s almost the valentine’s day and I’m pretty sure you’ve gathered a load of flowers and gifts from the friends in your class, the conductor from the microbus and from friends abroad. You must be going through expensive gifts, munching away the rare chocolates while tearing away the love letter they send in. Words are not important, unless they are from me.
While you’re busy accepting the gifts and goodies from your supposedly good male friends, whom you think are either cute/or nice, your’s the one- that’s me- feels like I should write directly to you.
We’ve seen each other a lot of time travelling through the micro from Ratna park to Jawalakhel, even though we’ve not spoken a word, but have telepathically communicated through eyes, I feel like one day, I will gather the courage, cut the bullshit out and ask you to be my significant other for the rest of our lives. I too can have a dream, and in that dream, I’ve dared to make you mine. The only thing remaining is to execute it in the real world and then you’d see how awesome life you’re going to have with me.
I am so hopeful that we’d be together that I really don’t mind you accepting gifts from the random stranger and 7 more people from my friend’s list. I am positive about the gifts adding to our total assets when we finally get married. However, I’ve to let you know that you’d have to stop accepting gifts once you finally decide to become my lady.
Another day, I was just checking your facebook – totally not stalking – to make sure that you’re doing fine and nobody is following you, and I found this particular guy liking your every picture and commenting in every selfie you posted. I didn’t search him around that much, but only went through his facebook profile. We had a common friend, so, just to make sure he’s not the bad guy, I called the common friend in the middle of the night and asked him about the guy. Apart from the few swears and the curse words from my friend, I found out that the guy was a complete playboy. If I were you, I’d block him from the facebook and accept the friend request your chosen one had sent to you last year. 😉
I am still thinking how I’m supposed to send this letter to you. I could have emailed to your Gmail, which I accidentally found after I ran into one of your classmates while waiting to get a glimpse of you outside your school last month- pure coincident. But again, I fear that the letter that is supposed to change the course of your life might end in your junk folder, and I wouldn’t want you to suffer just because you didn’t get my email at the right place.
I was also thinking of reading it aloud to you, while we commute through Rantnapark to Jawalakhel, while being in the micro full of 37 people, but the only name that I know of you is “daddy ko pyari chori Moh” from your facebook. It would be really awkward if your other friends traveling with us carried the same name. While I do not mind having multiple girlfriends, I also want to show you that how dedicated and willing I am to be one woman man for the rest of our lives.
The easiest one would be to directly message you on facebook, but again, isn’t that what everyone is doing now? If that would work, you’d be my girlfriend in 2011 itself. I’ve sent this exact message to your facebook for last 6 years, but you never accepted. Maybe you wanted to do that in person.
I know it will be hard for you to judge me by the text through the facebook itself. I want to walk extra miles to deliver this letter to you. By walking, I mean take a cab or something – with given pollution level I’ve not left my house for 3 days.
I guess I’ve told a lot about me, I would love to hear from you. But before that, I need to figure out how I’m going to send this letter to you. I would have sent this to you like last time, through your classmate but that moron opened the letter, erased my name and wrote his own and gave it to you. That’s how you ended up dating a total douche and I hope you guys will break very soon. It has been only five years, but as you can see, I’m in deeply madly in love with you, I can wait till this Feb 14th, one last time.
Hope to know your name, get your phone number and talk to you, in any order, very soon.
– the laziest lover ever born in the surface of the earth…
Written as a sarcastic article. Story, plot, and character are purely fictional, any resemblance to anyone’s story would be purely co-incidental.
Bikrant Gautam – MN, US
I currently work as a web application developer along with pursuing my masters degree in computer/information science. Before moving to US, I worked in Nepal as a software engineer and social worker for 4 years.
I am passionate about sports, music, literature and contemporary issue. At leisure time, you’ll find me either learning, playing guitar, writing or sleeping.
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