“Dear Diary, I think I am in love with her. But is this acceptable?” Natasha Jha, Runner Up, Wordism Poush

Dear Diary, Natasha Jha

Sunita’s Diary

25th December 2002,
Kalimati, kathmandu.
Dear diary,

Today it has been six months since I got married to Mihir. Six months ago I was Sunita Basnet and now life has transferred me to Mrs. Sunita Thapa. It’s a strange feeling. I feel that everything has changed. I visit my old home on regular basis but still that place feels like it’s no more my own place. The place where I was born and brought up feels like some random unknown place now. I guess, these changes are what people talk about after marriage. I wonder if anything has changed for Mihir.

Mihir, is now living in Boston. He got the job there and shifted. He said that he would take me there, too as soon as he is properly settled with his work. My friends tease me that I miss him. But honestly speaking, I don’t miss him. I am living with his parents right now. They’re too sweet and loving. I am never treated like an outsider but like their own daughter. Oh, how can I forget to tell you about my sister in law? Naina Thapa, she is 17. Such a sweet loving girl she is. I wonder how I would pass my time without her at this new place. She is a darling.

My new house is full of happiness. I have no worries. Things have changed, but nothing bad has happened. These changes are acceptable. I am still allowed to work unlike other “nepali buharis”. For now, I have been working at jawalakhel in Nepal Telecom. But I am thinking to quit and continue with my master’s degree. Mihir said that I can study there in Boston but I doubt he’ll take me with him so soon.

Dear diary, I’ll have to go for now. Ama and buwa are waiting for me at the dinner table. I’ll meet you soon.

Thanks for being a good companion. Good night.

With love,
Sunita Thapa

25th june 2003,
Kalimati, kathmandu.

It was my marriage anniversary. My first marriage anniversary. A year ago, Mihir promised to take me along with him to boston. One year has passed and I am still waiting. He has never come since then to Nepal. people say he won’t, he might have married some girl there. I answer these people with my silence. But deep inside I don’t care if he has married some other girl or not. We talk on phone, but nothing romantic. I ask him if he ate his dinner or not and he asks the same. We wish a good night to each other and I go to sleep. Is this what happens in every couple’s life? Or am I an exceptional? I constantly ask this question to myself. And in reply I get no answer.

Today nothing special happened. Naina and I went in some educational agencies in search of a maths teacher. Naina said she would fail this year in maths, I was worried for her. Thus , we ended up roaming around in search of a tutor. Finally we got one. I forgot her name, but they said she’s a kathmandu born Bengali woman. She’ll join from next week probably. I hope she’s a nice tutor.

This much for today. i hope next time I have something exciting to write about. Goodnight

Love,
Sunita Thapa

1st September 2003
Dear diary,

Finally I have something to write about. Let’s not say something, but someone. remember, I told you about Naina’s tutor. We’ve become friends. Her name is Rushila Thakur. She is really sweet. Naina also seems to enjoy studying with her. Rushila and I have been friends for almost 2 months. She lives in pulchowk, near my office area. We usually meet at The Bakery Café during my lunch break. She is a charming lady. I like her company. She makes me feel good now. I don’t feel alone anymore. I finally have someone to share my things. I finally know what HAPPINESS is. Life seems good and beautiful, it’s no more boring. I told Mihir about her, he seemed least interested. I didn’t care, too. I told him about her because I wanted to talk about her.

Rushila is a gifted with heavenly beauty, both from heart and physical feature. She is dark by complexion with big eyes. She never forgets her kajal that make her look more pretty. Her nails are always painted with red nail polish. She is always attired in a simple cotton kurti but still looks beautiful. The Blue Mary perfume that she uses makes her smell like an angel.

Why is she so beautiful? she has her own style statement and still she looks perfect. The way she explains and solves the numerical with concentration is too attractive. She is an all-rounder. The moments when she holds my hand and asks me for coffee are the best moments.

I think I am in love with her. But is this acceptable? I always wonder if this is normal? Will the society accept my love? How will Rushila react to my feeling? What will people think? Will this happy moment just vanish away again? All these questions always come to my mind but all the problems and stress vanishes when I meet Rushila. Rushila, the woman I love.

Oh diary, I know this is not right but I can’t stop myself from feeling this way about her. She is all I love. But I will never let her know about this. I need her company, she’ll go if she knows what I feel. So to make her stay, I’ll have to hide my feeling, forever.

Love,
Sunita Thapa

4th January 2004
Dear diary,

I lost her. Rushila is getting married tomorrow. I don’t know how I should react. Should I cry for myself or should I be happy for her new life? I am tired of all this now. I should stop complicating things now. I neither love Mihir nor I can be with Rushila. And at the end I can’t hurt myself for things I can’t get. I know what I feel is not normal but I can at least make my life normal. I don’t need Mihir. I am thankful to Rushila that she came in my life and at least for some month’s life seemed easier and happier.

Dear diary, I know you might be feeling bad for me, but at the end of the day, life goes on. I can’t always sit like this and think about my colorless life. I will learn to be happy and independent now. Life always gives chance, and I know I too will get a chance.

Love,
Sunita Thapa

20th November 2006
Dear diary,

Life seems easier again. I told you, I will get a chance, see I got one and grabbed it. I completed my master’s degree in literature recently. I have started to read and write. Jane Austen’s book are my favorite. I write about recent issues these days for a local newspaper. I also bought a one bedroom apartment, it’s a small one but I love it.

Mihir and I got divorced some one year ago. He got married to a Boston girl, as people had predicted. I still visit my ex in-laws. They still take me as their daughter and I too love them. My parents tell me to come and live with them. But as I said that place no more seems to be my own. I love my privacy and my life. I know I am alone but I am not lonely. I am a proud independent woman now. And life no more is boring. I AM HAPPY!

Dear diary, I thank you for being there. Thanks a lot. Goodnight.

Love,
Sunita Basnet

heart-break

Question and Answer with Natasha

1. Tell us more about you.

Hi, I am Natasha Jha. I am a second year undergraduate student of law at kathmandu university. I am a writer by passion. I write short stories and poems. I am also a trained public speaker.

2. What was your thought when you apply to Wordism competition?

I went through the requirements and I thought of applying. I didn’t really know I would win but since it turned out this way, I am happy.

3. What are your dreams and aspiration?

I dream to become a human right activist. On the other hand I am a feminist. And I really look forward to do things that will uplift the women of this society. I want the women of this society to be educated. I want to see them rise. Personally, I would love to become a great lawyer and a bestseller writer.

4. Anything you want to say who is reading this!

Dear readers, find yourself. It’s okay to not know where you are going, but it’s really not okay when you don’t know yourself. Find your identity, polish it and be proud of who you are. Because your identity is what differentiates you from this huge crowd. So go, find yourself. Know who you are. That’s the real happiness.

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