Diagnosed with Cancer – Surakshya Manyal, Runner Up, Wordism S3, Magh

Dear Zindagii,

Never thought I’d make you this special by writing a letter. Never thought I’d lift my pen to write a letter just for you. On this valentine, I wrote a letter to you thanking for all those extra-terrestrial strengths and patience you fed me; in-debt for all those emerging kindness and mercies to help me become a good friend, a better colleague, worthy daughter and moreover, a Brave Warrior. Thanking for all those dramatic stress and depressions, anxiety and heartbreaks that have made me strongest than ever.
It wasn’t that easy for me as we both expected it to be my dear.

Every day, when I used to open my eyes, I used to see numerous beautiful flowers and colorful greeting cards on the table with a note:
“Get well soon”
“Have faith. Be strong.”
“Lots of love and blessings. XOXO”

Alas! They had no idea about their warm wishes firing at my heart like bullets.
Then I could see my relatives and visitors gossiping or crying with heavy hearts : filled with sympathy and fear of losing me. Honestly speaking, it was one really exasperating melodramas. What got on my nerves was that my aama used to weep bitterly hearing all those dialogues and I was like… really?
Why is life this dramatic? Why are relationships so complicated? My unanswered questions.
I can still remember the dreadful day when I was completely numb and dumbfounded when I heard the three most destructive word that ruined my life and most probably anyone’s:
“DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER”
The world fell apart; everything seemed to fade away; dark clouds hovered around me snatching all those sunshine, leaving behind all the darkness: Darkness that completely shattered me, my confidence, my strength, my determination…everything I had, then thrashed me into a dark corner of that four squared room.
I hated you for this life, yes I certainly did. I hated you, I hated myself and literally everything around. I had completely lost myself waiting for the appointment right next to death’s door.
Until one day, I realized your unseen grace, yes my dear life, your unseen grace was rising me up. WE RAISED UP. I don’t know how, I don’t know when I started feeling “”an unnatural spiritual growth”” in me (also thanks to all those youtube’s motivational videos I leaned on every time). I started feeling your presence in me.
I started living my life when I found myself next to death’s door.

The chaos of this world, the struggle for existence, survival of fittest, competitions and everyday’s race manipulated me to live a life without being myself, completely losing myself. But you thrashed me in a corner, let me stand up, dust off myself and actually follow my heart, my real passion.

I’m thankful to you for all this,
➢ I have started poetries again which I had left ten years ago when my poetry collections were stolen by a bunch of bulky bad boys bullying me and bargaining at my beloved writings.
➢ I have started singing and playing the guitar, which I quit when my aama and buwa indulged me to enter this world of technology.
➢ I have started writing stuff which I gave up when I was overloaded by the oversized “”Principle of Physics””, “” Organic Chemistry”” and”” Essential of Biology””.

I was expecting more happiness, more love and more support from the materialistic world but then.., you made me realize that the world may be against me but I, my inner spirit and you will always be there. You made me care my hands, you made me care my feet, my eyes and every part of my body. They, the innocent-real-ones, standing with me all the time even when you were unfair to me sometimes. How could I be so ungrateful to my real ones who had always been a pillar of support to my mansions of dreams. Stupid Me.

Sleeping here in my bed all day, all night, I feel restless and sorry for myself as well.
But I promise dear life, I’ll fight, we’ll together fight with the so-called leukemia, like those ‘Avengers’ and ‘X-men’ like we always dreamt of.

When tomorrow, I’ll return home, we’ll together bring a change in the scenario, switch daily routines, have a walk every day, have healthy diets and medicines on time (*rolls eyes*) and Moreover, enroll myself in spreading love and humanity. In a nutshell , I’ll enjoy being me.

You have no idea dear how much I dealt with all the circumstances around me. I’ve heard the clamor of pain from cancer patient from the dispensary. I have felt the sympathetic looks and heartbreaks of the visitors and glanced their prayers to god to never let this situation occur in their lives. I’ve spotted the night shift labors working restlessly just to see the face of their family and children have a healthy life, never ending up here, in the cold bed of hospitals. So much of positivity, so much of attention, so much of sympathy, so much of heartbreaks and so much of criticism. All over the same cup.

Dear life, please grant me all the positivity one possesses. Strengthen me to be a reason behind the smile of not 100s of people but at least 1 needy helpless child. Give me all those courage and knowledge to help the world fighting back against depression and anxiety.

Give me the opportunity to make people realize how beautiful you are and how lucky it is to be alive.
Dear Zindagii, on this valentine’s, lets spread love and positivity.
Uncertainty till when I would see the beauty of this mesmerizing world but till then, let’s teach the world how to love ourselves.
You and I, together, till the last breath.

Always and Forever,
Yours Warrior

winter

Question answer with Surakshya

1. Tell us more about you.

I am a fun loving, chubby-faced, 20-years Adult.A great procrastinator, Yet a great dreamer. A girl, passion in her eyes for everything… I want to live many lives in this life ; a dancer, a singer, a musician , a writer, a social worker, a businessman, a psychologist, a leader, a motivational speaker, a healer and all in all a good human.

2. What was your thought when you apply to Wordism competition?

I was randomly scrolling my news feed when i got the notice by youth legend. I had gave up writings but when i glanced the theme of the month ” LOVE LETTER” i was overwhelmed and couldn’t stop myself from writing. I only wished that my piece of thought would inspire at least one depressed person and bring smile to his/her face.

3. What are your dreams and aspiration?

My only dream is to make the people around me happy and make them laugh until their eyes produce water xD
I have many dreams in life. I always hope that at the end of day, i will be another updated version of me with more experience and knowledge. I want to be a great motivational speaker and promote spiritual growth in every human. I want to make myself as much social as i can.

4. How do you feel being the Wordism Runner Up of Magh

I am feeling very happy by being the runner-up for magh month. I had never though i would be able to write this gracefully after these long years. I would like to thank Youth Legend Nepal a lot for this. For introducing such a great platform for every writer, for every philosopher. And i have promised my self that this time i wont give up writing. Thank you youth legend once again 🙂

5. Anything you want to say about who is reading this!

Hey people out there!!! I hope and pray you are doing great.Stay positive dude. Life is dramatic so establish yourself as a great actor. Just one suggestion, people spend ages to acknowledge that it is the family,relationship and love that matters the most in life rather than Money. Don’t forget to care for the one that you have. Remember, Life is a race but of your own. Stay blessed. Stay Positive. <3 [/wpfmb]

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