Who are you?
I say, “I am one of them.” Now, please don’t query whether I am a male or a female. Please, don’t interrogate whether I am a Hindu, a Muslim, a Christian, or a Buddhist. Enough is enough. Hey, now, don’t ask me about my profession. I already said to you, “I am a common man”. “I am a bloody common man”, do you hear that? Hey, listen, I am one of the bullshits like you. You see that woman selling limes in the streets of Sundhara. My life is alike her. You see that man. That man who smells stinky when you go near him. That man whose hairs are long and rough and whose clothes are rugged. I am that man. Over there, hey, you, look over there. You see that boy being squeezed like a lemon inside the microbus. Look, how he is struggling to prevent his back and head from being crushed between other’s back. So funny, ya? Grrr, don’t exhibit your teeth or else I will break them. Because I am that boy. You see that sad man drenched in rain returning to home at night with his empty hands. His wife and children are waiting for him inside the cold perforated tent hoping he would have managed something to eat. I am that poor man. You see that lady embracing the wooden coffin and cursing her fate at the airport. Finally, her husband returned to Nepal after working like a donkey day and night in Qatar. He had left Nepal when their daughter was one-and-a-half-year-old. Thank God, she finally got to meet her father. God is so merciful and soft-hearted, isn’t He? I am that lucky lady. You see that man holding a bottle of some kind of medicine with tears rolling down his cheeks and splashing on the photograph of his mom and dad. Being illiterate and coming from a poor family, he had decided to go to South Korea for a better job. So he started preparing for EPS-TOPIK exams in a consultancy in Kathmandu. Unfortunately, he failed in his first attempt yet, he didn’t lose hope and continued taking classes. Aghast, he failed again. His confidence was dismantled. He became frustrated with himself and eventually, decided to drink poison. I am that frustrated man.
I am not “I”. I am “everyone”. Did that roast your mind? Probably. Now just imagine how confusing “I” am. Oh, god. Let’s end this game. Okay, I will tell you what’s so confusing in this confusion. You know what, for a confused guy like me, every day is a confusion day. Every person I meet is a source of confusion. Everything that my eyes depict me is nothing more than a mind-boggling illustration. What I hear from other people keeps on disarraying my mind. The pathetic condition of myself, my society and my country make me like a person lost in a maze. I have a question for you, people. Don’t you think we live in confusion? Don’t you think life is bringing more and more confusions in your path? Well, if you ask that question to me, I will hug you and cry and explain to you how this confusing life has confused me and scared the hell out of me.
I am no one but rather a confused guy who is trying to share his confusions to the already confused people to make them realize that they also have been made confused by the other confused ones. And that’s because confusion confuses you in such a way that you can’t figure out whether you are receiving confusions or you are having confusions. I hope that doesn’t fry your brain but honestly speaking, it fried mine.
You know, I have so many things roaming in my mind that repeatedly confuse me. I am confused about myself and others too. You know, simpler things confuse me. I always place myself in others’ position and think about them. As I have already talked about few versions of me in the beginning. Those versions were nothing but just a result of a confused mind. I keep on bashing my mind with others’ pitiful situation. When I see a boy of my age serving in restaurants, I take his place and ask myself, “Why am I so unlucky? He goes to college to study. He has a good life. His parents will do whatever he asks them to do. But why haven’t I got a life like him? Why do I have to work in this restaurant?”. I don’t know whether that boy thinks in this way or not but I surely do so taking his place. When I see people crying in hospitals, I take their place and think, “Why did god do this to us? How is this possible that in the same accident, other people survived and my son died? You spend your whole life without doing any harm to others, sharing love and positivity and in return, you get sorrows and grieves. Isn’t this unfair, God?” Confused again. A person works hard to gain something in life. But ultimately, life plays a game with him and makes him nothing. Why is it so? Doesn’t every hardworking and every good guy deserves to live a prosperous life? Why always people having bad motive and bad deeds win in life? Why? I always ask these questions putting myself in place of a common Nepalese villager. And this too leads me in confusion.
I have another serious confusion too. Why always poor people have to die because of dirty politics? Few days ago, some people died in a blast which was an accident. It was later found that people who died in this incident were political cadres but they had no motive of making blast at that time. And one of them had joined the political party two months after his house was destroyed by the Gorkha Earthquake. Probably, that man had no choice and hence, must have joined the party to survive but unfortunately, he died. This shows the heart-rending condition of our fellow people. One has to walk on wrong path to survive but eventually, he/she has to die in a tragic way. I am confused about this trend.
Nowadays, people think having a house denotes success in life. So all of us want to build houses for ourselves by hook or by crook. I don’t understand their mentality. Having your own house is the only motive of Nepalese, this is ridiculous. At the same time, it’s confusing too. Don’t you think so?
Well, I think you might have not understood this article. But, if you understood it, then, CHEERS! You are a confused guy like me!!!
Question answer with Shishir
1. Tell us more about you.
Well, I just passed my +2 from St. Xavier’s College, Maitighar. Currently, I am taking entrance preparation classes for studying B.Sc. in Agriculture at Rampur, Chitwan. Moreover, I love writing so every time, I get the opportunity to write, I write with great joy. Writing is my passion.
2. What was your thought when you apply to Wordism competition?
I am a regular participator. This is the sixth time I have become Runner Up. And every time, I think of getting the position of winner once soon.
3. What are your dreams and aspiration?
Well, our dreams are influenced by others in reality. What we were taught in childhood determines our dreams. So, yeah, I didn’t dream of becoming this and that. From childhood, every body said, “You can become a doctor. You must become a doctor.” Life is somewhat similar to “3 Idiots” movie. Ha!
4. How do you feel being the Wordism Runner Up of Asadh?
I feel great. You know, there are very few opportunities and platforms for people like us who have passion in writing. I am just happy because I get to write. Although very few people read these articles, I am happy.
5. Anything you want to say about who is reading this!
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