I am a sex worker. Do you judge me when I say that? When I say that I’m selling my body in exchange for money with my own will you definitely judge me, don’t you?
“Mom, why are you drenched everyday? Buy an umbrella no”, my 6 year old son said as he came to the door and greeted me with a kiss.
“I will buy it tomorrow”, I pinched my neck to promise but deep down I knew that I’ll never be able to keep that promise.
I am also a 32 year old single mother. People say I don’t look 32 and instead 23. My husband said that I am the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. He stopped saying that when back in the states a car accident took him. We have two children, a boy and a girl. I could not live in the states after his death. I had to move somewhere because everywhere I’d go it reminded me of him. Somehow it always felt I did injustice to my children because the future they’d have in America could never be compared to some other city let alone Kuala lumpur .
It’s almost a year we have been here. Life has been hard. When the money I brought back from the states was spent on finding an apartment and paying for food for a couple of months after we arrived we were seriously broke.
One evening when I was walking barefoot in the beach wearing my low cut blue top and shorts while my children made a sand castle, a rather drunk man came to me and casually asked if he could have sex with me.
I was petrified.
“Hey I could spend 1000$ on just your beautiful face.” He shouted as I started getting hold of my children to hurry back home.
Back home the man somehow kept coming back to my thoughts.
“Do they really offer that big money for spending just a couple of hours?” I was taken aback when he offered me 1500$.
But my conscience again told me he looked drunk. How can I make such a big deal out of a drunk man?
And even if the money is real I could never love any man except Adam and having sex with unknown men in exchange for money made me feel sick. It was true that we were broke but if Adam knew that I was even thinking about sleeping for money he would break down. My stomach churned and I felt nauseated.
That was 6 months back.
“Hey, where are you going? I paid you for two hours and it’s only been one”, a customer shouted from the messy bed as I quickly got into my skirt, collected my heels and hurried towards the door.
“I’m sorry I have to leave. If we meet again I’ll let you do me an extra hour for free”, I shouted back apologizing.
In my head I wished I never have to meet that guy again in my life.
From 6 months back to this day, so many things have changed. I have slept with all kinds of men;shorter than me, taller than me, heavier than me, men in their 30s, 40s and 50s. I stopped taking count after the 10th. I am satisfied with the money I make because my children eat food and go to school from it. They have been doing so great at school and I am so proud of them.
I believe fate brought me here to Kuala Lumpur. Everyday since the past six months after getting in bed with all kinds of men, I take a taxi to the bridge and wait for the rain. It rains here everyday, at least 304 days a year. The first drops are my favorite. They feel like soft cotton balls against my skin. When it starts to pour I feel like the sins I commit everyday by sleeping with men I’ve never seen before, doing what they like and not what I want are all washed off. Rain is my escape. I take it as an offering from the god to wash all the negativities and dirt from my life before I go back home to my children. And so far the rain has been treating me good.
Today too, I went back home all drenched. At the door I could see my children standing with an yellow umbrella.
“We bought it for you.” They said with a same tone. They were excited for me.
I smiled. How could I say to these innocent souls that the rain was actually my escape and I could never escape from my escape.
Question answer with Pralisha
1. Tell us more about you
If I had all the time in the world I’d spend every second of it reading books and eating some dark chocolates.
2. What was your thought when you applied to Wordism competition?
A friend of mine told me about the competition and I put a sticky note on my desk with the theme written on it to look at it every day. I would type any idea coming to my brain that related to the theme. Whenever it comes to writing, I have a different feeling of ecstasy and applying to Wordism gave me the same. I am grateful to Wordism for it.
3. What are your dreams and aspiration?
I have always dreamt of writing a bestselling novel. I wish that someday I’d have my own library and it would be so huge and filled with books; it would be my escape garden.
4. How do you feel about being the Wordism hero for Shrawan?
The feeling about being the Wordism hero is so surreal that I cannot wait to participate it every month. The compliments that I’m receiving, the appreciations that I am being showered with is so amazing. A brother of mine told me that he felt like reading an extract out of a bestselling novel, how huge of a compliment is that?
5. Anything you want to say about who is reading this!
Whenever you feel like doing something, get up and do it. Never procrastinate on your dreams because it feels incredible to see your dreams fulfill in front of your eyes.
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