This write up follows after the news of multiple suicide that
shook the democratic republic of Nepal this week; one case of a
general public who committed suicide after allegation of
pirating a block buster Nepali movie – “Chakka Panja”, and
another; the curious case of Anil Adhikari who was famously
known world wide with his rapper alias – “Yama Buddha”
This should be my 15th attempt at erasing/re-writing the intro of this write up. Suicide has been such an ostracized topic that one does not speak until it hits the news. I found it very hard to even think about how I was going to present my thoughts on it. Until, I feel like I speak to you directly, Yama Budhha, and hundreds of lesser known nevertheless equally important souls.
My assumption is that there is internet on the other side and you guys can see my posts on Facebook. It would be understatement to let you know that we’re not happy. And, more than that we are sorry, sorry for everything that led you to the path of taking your own life, which never belonged to you. I’m sorry again to drag you into another sorrowful post but bear with me, I do have something to tell you.
I read somewhere, suicide is a temporary solution of a permanent problem. I don’t know if you ever read that, but I’m sad to let you know that the problem that you thought you got rid off just got amplified by a larger scale. You thought that you had a valid reason to decide for yourself, but, do we really get to decide for ourselves?
It would make me look like a fool for mentioning the sorrows your family and your close ones are undergoing right now. The sad vibes swept away the nation on your demise and even I could feel the bitter cold thousand of miles away from the home. Not only did your family cry, but the whole nation mourned for you, for the person who you were and whom you aspire to be. Words of eulogy were overflowing the social media, and I could only hope, only if, you could travel a day ahead and see for yourself what an irreparable loss you incurred to us.
Anil bro, (I’m not sure if you are holding your title of “Yama Buddha” on the other side) I never knew you personally. I did listen to few of your songs, and watched every episode of raw-barz. Apart from that, I never followed you that much. I never attended your concert, nor had any sort of discussion of rap songs or Nephop among my friends- until the fateful day.
Yesterday, I went through the write of of Ashish Rana(Lahure) in nagarik news. The words put up by Ashish were true from the bottom of his heart. I’m not sure if nagarik supplies news paper on your part, but if you can read this, definitely go to nagarik’s website and see it, I highly recommend you to do so; a gracefully written article, which made me actually respect you more than I ever had. The way you changed a genre of music in a country which is still debating between backtracking the old norms and values or going forwards; you were able to introduce the culture of sharing the life experiences through the medium of music. How many times have we heard about love/breakup/drugs/girls in the songs, but yours was different, it was always a message to the youth of this nation. Your “Sathi” song might have single-handedly prevented many to-be addicts from going into the path of hell. If only, you wrote a song about suicide, and you sang it everywhere by the bottom of your heart, you would not have to go through my post, sorry again.
Again, I do have lots of things to ask you, but it is the same thing millions of people from nation and abroad asking you. The most generic being WHY? But you can ignore it, you had your reasons, you thought you did what was the best for you, but honestly we all know that was not the best choice after all.
Earlier today, I met few kids who were 17-18 years old, thousands of miles away from Nepal at a remote corner of united states. The northern american climate was no match to the bitterness and cold they were feeling on the loss of your mortal form. I watched the vlog by Girish on your demise, words were coming out of his heart but we could feel the pain on his throat as he uttered the words of praise for you. You were the inspiration for thousands of youth, and you will always remain as the inspiration for what you did for us. For me, you were/are and will always remain a champion. I would not negate your contribution to the nephop culture and the society with your last actions before you left the human form. I wish I could be happy for your free soul, but, honestly your time was not done. You had million more like me to inspire and make us ponder about how an artist could revolutionize the industry and the culture.
Having that said, I would like to inform you, there are millions of us who will wait till we make our final voyage to the other side. The day/time we are there, we better get to listen your new songs all about the after life. Also, ignore the grammatical mistakes, Nepali ho emotional ta vai halcha ni.
“nahola sangai aja ta ra ma tara
tero samjhana yo manmaa chaa
Sath choodne chaina banthyo kahile
tara sathi nikai eklo chu ahile…”
Bikrant Gautam – MN, US
I currently work as a web application developer along with pursuing my masters degree in computer/information science. Before moving to US, I worked in Nepal as a software engineer and social worker for 4 years.
I am passionate about sports, music, literature and contemporary issue. At leisure time, you’ll find me either learning, playing guitar, writing or sleeping.
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