“I am happy that he died”- The story of a child sexual abuse in Nepal

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Child sexual abuse

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I got the news that he was suffering from cancer. After some days, I knew that he died. I felt very happy and screamed ‘Party Time’. My aunt scolded me for being so harsh and negative upon someone who is that old.

I don’t regret at all. I was the little girl. I even don’t remember how old I was, may be 6-7 years. He was my neighbor and relative too. He used to call me ‘sojhi natini’ innocent granddaughter as he was my grandpa’s friend too. He used to give me chocolates and praise me infront of my relatives and family. I used to be happy. One day, I was playing some games with my sisters and brothers. He told me to come with him and he will give me chocolates. He carried me and took me to his house.

There was no one in the house. It was evening time, little dark. He opened the TV. I don’t remember what was in the TV. I think NTV news. He took me in his lap. I did not feel comfortable and asked him where the chocolate was. He started to roll his fingers in my personal part. And inside my underwear he started rubbing my internal part.
I was a little girl I had no idea what was happening. Only thing I knew was that I was not feeling good. I was feeling strange, awkward and somehow guilty. It was a shame. Though I was only 6-7 years old I knew that no one is allowed to touch the private part of my body. We always cover it up.

He took me infront of the mirror saying,

Look how good you look

I was naked (below). I could not see myself. I was helpless. I had no idea what was happening but the sense of awkwardness made me feel that I should not stay there. I kept telling him that I want to go home. Finally, he left me and opened the door. I ran away.

I started to have strange fear with that person. There was only dad in my home. I could never talk to anyone about it. I just started to hide myself whenever I used to see that person. As I grew up as a teenager, I realized that I was a victim of sexual abuse. My father used to respect him. He used to come to my house sometime. But, I never spoke to him properly after that. Whenever he used to see me around, he used to make strange symbol from his hands. I had no idea what it was. But now I have realized that it was a vulgar symbol.

One day, I saw him coming in my home and I was alone. I was only 11 years old that time.

I hide the knife inside my cloth.

He rang the bell and I answered him without opening the door, “Dad is not at home”.

It took me several years to get out of that incident. I always had the fear of being abused by men whoever it is. I was somehow relieved when he left our neighborhood.

Recently, I heard he died. And you know I am very happy. The evil harasser died. I am sure I was not the only victim by him. He was more than 60 years and I was only 6-7 years.

But, with passing time i realized that it was just a trailer. I was abused again and again. Same story but different persons. I was helpless. But at least, the first sexual abuser of my life died and I am happy. I can’t explain in proper words the relief i feel inside my heart.

I wish, I pray ‘No girls become the victim of sexual violence or any kind of violence. I wish the mother earth to be a safe place for all the women.’

Youth Opinion: Sexual Assault in Nepal, Law and Justice

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